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by Tracey Sara Offutt
When I was a little girl rocking my baby dolls, no one warned me that real life might be much more complicated and difficult than it was in the land of Make Believe. I spent most of my younger years hearing how easy it was to get pregnant when I didn't want or mean to, planning my birth control strategies, trying not to get pregnant before I was ready... and then I was finally older and ready to throw caution to the wind and make a baby with my husband in the privacy of our bedroom, and life came crashing down around me when I found out that we could not do that. For all of those reasons, infertility is something I survived. It's not something I just "have" or even something I "had" after I was lucky enough to end up pregnant and, ultimately, to become a mother. Even after I am done having my children, I will always consider myself a person who "was infertile" and who "survived/overcame infertility." For all these reasons, I am proud to be among the very special group of people who have survived my infertility.
I was newly married and only 26 years old when time stopped and I heard the words that forever changed my life--"You probably cannot have children, and you definitely should not risk trying.” I'll never forget my tears and despair in the doctor's office that day. But, at the same time, something rose up within me, some force that screamed out, "No, you're wrong, I will be a mother, we will have our own babies." Looking back now, I'd like to believe it was the voice of my unborn future children speaking to me, through me, letting me know that their precious souls were out there waiting for me. Although I'll never know where that voice came from, I know it was that voice at that time that gave me the hope I needed to embark upon the most difficult phase of my life--The Infertile Years.
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